Soap is not a condiment
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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