I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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