My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
