Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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