Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
