Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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