it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
