When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
