Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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