Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
