I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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