Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
