So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
