I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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