8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
