I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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