She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
