Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
