she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
