What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!