Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.