My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house