Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
