How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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