she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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