i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize