dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
