and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
