she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize