We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
