So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
