I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
