Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
