I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
