i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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