this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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