Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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