I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
try to milk me bitch
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