I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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