You work out of a Hotel?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
