Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
