Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
