I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
