at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
