how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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