I got chris browned last night
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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