halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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