Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
