Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
