I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
