Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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