The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
