New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
