just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
