my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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