Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
