All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
