i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize