I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
