Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize